Here's Recognition and the Taliban @ Brookings may not be a final answer, but it does have info that provides some insights:
During the Trump administration’s negotiations with the Taliban in Doha, Qatar prior to this collapse, numerous countries indicated that they would refuse to recognize any government coming to power through force. Whether the Taliban’s recent accomplishment of exactly this may complicate those promises, the presenters noted, remained to be seen.
Traditionally the standard for governmental recognition has been “effective control,” meaning the regime is “sufficiently established to give reasonable assurance of its permanence, and of the acquiescence of those who constitute the state in its ability to maintain itself and discharge its internal duties and its external obligations.” Modern cases of recognition have often been conditioned on factors like human rights compliance or democratic governance...States are also wary of over-hasty recognition. De-recognition of states that fail to meet the initial recognition standards is disfavored and much harder than recognition. Recognition comes with several implications. The recognized government may claim ownership and exercise control over the state’s foreign property, the government is likely to gain UN representation, and uses of military force may be authorized.
Third, the United States could engage in extended negotiations with the Taliban over recognition, subject to the Taliban meeting certain conditions—the likeliest outcome in the near and medium term as the United States and its allies try to use recognition as a carrot to urge the Taliban to undertake certain fundamental reforms.
Given the recent news about Taliban barring women from schooling and barring them working from NGOs, it seems unproductive to give up the carrot while the Taliban have yet to offer anything in return.
Even countries which could be expected to be pro-recognition are probably leery of swimming against the tide when the UN itself has such grave concerns. Large reputational cost, little benefit.
GENEVA (29 December 2022) -- UN experts* today denounced and called for an immediate reversal of the Taliban’s recent order barring women from working in international and national non-governmental organisations (NGOs) and supported a unified effort of the international community to take a stand against this latest human rights violation, further banishing women from the workplace, preventing delivery of life-saving aid and crippling the work of NGOs which will have a terrible impact on the entire country. Their statement is as follows:
Having already denied women and girls their rights to education and limited their freedom of movement, expression, and dress as well as public participation, further denying women’s right to work in NGOs in the middle of winter when the country is grappling with a humanitarian emergency shows the Taliban have no regard for women’s rights or their wellbeing and will stop at nothing. In this case, they are instrumentalising and victimising women and the recipients of critical aid, apparently in a power struggle over control of this sector. This may well be a case of gender persecution, a crime against humanity, and those responsible should be held to account.
We call on the de facto authorities to immediately lift the ban on women working with national and international NGOs.
As @ohwilleke states below, it is unclear how much the Taliban are trying, i.e. how much effort are they putting in? However, some claim it is not for lack of wanting, at least from some bits of the Taliban apparatus:
Taliban officials claim that just “engaging” with the Taliban or the leadership is not enough: the international community needs to offer them something they want. The main diplomatic objective of the Taliban leadership is to gain relief from sanctions and obtain official recognition, above all from the United States.
The fact that no one recognizes the Taliban does indicate that maybe it's just not something that they've put much actual effort into. I mean there are plenty of countries that dislike the West, don't give a fig about UN disapproval and aren't exactly pro human/women's rights.
Not going to chase after one more Afghanistan link, but I recall recently seeing that it is the "hard men" from Kandahar that are currently calling the shots, not any of the Taliban "moderates". So they may be unwilling to make any concessions since after all oppressing women is front and center of that faction's ideology.
As to a country like China, which might benefit from Afghan minerals? It might, but there are enough risks with doing it that it may be in no great hurry.
Overall, the Taliban don't seem to be offering much in return for recognition at this time. And it is early days.
p.s. To be clear, I tend to agree with the OP that "not recognizing cuz we don't like them" is kinda peevish. And especially so if it is for domestic electoral considerations. Nationhood is kinda like UN membership - you're in the UN because you are a nation on this planet. Not because everyone likes you or you're a nice guy (we have had many questions about "why is X allowed in the UN?" or "why is Y in the Security Council?")
But not giving away a bargaining chip is a valid realpolitik reason to wait them out.